So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
