I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
