he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize