I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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