I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
