If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
