Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
