My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
