Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
