I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
