I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
