I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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