Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
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I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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