I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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