You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
