I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
