imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
