So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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