party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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