I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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