it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
