Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
