Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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