Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
