Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
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no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
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Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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