defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
