You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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