my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
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Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.