What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit