So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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