my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize