This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
