It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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