So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
