I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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