I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
