Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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