My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
