yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
