You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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