Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
