you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
