i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Buhtt sex?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
