ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
