I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
