bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
