our cab driver is having phone sex.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I forget how to act sober
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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