"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
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This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
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Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize