you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
