oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
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Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize