My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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