I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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