so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
