I think i peed on brittanys purse
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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