i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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