So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
