I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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