Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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