I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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