dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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